I’m glad it was a good one and less challenging than these things can sometimes be. I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing the extended family yesterday though in the end it really worked out nice. That year alone here really did something to me and I’m not at all the man I was prior to the experience. It’s like there’s an internal me (strange concept) who minds and cares for the choices and actions within my control and carefully judges these alone towards the improvement of virtue and the deprecation of vice, and who is largely unfazed by the folly or machinations of others. This change has been attended by more silence on my part and a fading of interest in adventure or going to wild places. It’s like those remote places are now within me and reached easily though the simple act of directed will and mindful thought. At Thanksgiving dinner yesterday I felt like I was looking out at the assembled kinfolk while seated upon the smooth surface of a big warm rock in the desert. The peace and happiness of that far off place welled up like a gentle spring while I listened and occasionally spoke, making sure to carefully choose my words so as to tread the line of engagement which is neither prying nor offensive. A natural form of PC borne of the wish for goodwill and tranquility for the assembled individuals. I really like this change which has come upon me in the last half year and which is becoming more standardized and refined with time. Perhaps this is what it’s like to grow old? To have had enough of the vain efforts and expenditures of self-serving endeavor and over-concern regarding the impression others maintain of us or the legacy we might pass to posterity. It’s a good change. To grow more quiet. To still the mind. To sit alone on a warm stone within the mind. Surrounded by a beautiful imaginary landscape, reflective of experience yet rarified by the principals developed of decades of folly, strife and occasional good fortune. I wonder if I’ll really ever return to the desert, or any wild place in search of wildness? It seems that thing has instead found me.
Thanks for reading my ramble… It’s time to make french toast and then go take my mom to lunch. Have a wonderful day, friend! 🙂